Jimmy Kimmel Wants United to Drag Donald Trump Off the Plane
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: email@example.com.
United Gets Ejected by Late Night
United Airlines’ chief executive finally came forth on Tuesday with an unqualified apology for the notorious passenger-removal incident — but that was hardly enough to silence the jeers on late night. Jimmy Kimmel struck the hardest.
“That video of the doctor being dragged off the plane and then the airline’s response to it has turned into an absolute nightmare from a P.R. standpoint. Even Pepsi was like, ‘I wouldn’t want to be you guys this week.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Not only are they taking a publicity hit, they took an economic hit, too. United stock went way down today. The company lost $255 million in market value in one day — which means they could have given each of those four passengers they kicked off the plane their own jet planes. They could have given each a 737 and still come out ahead of the deal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
He thought United’s tactics might help in another situation, though.
“Donald Trump is on pace to spend more on travel in his first year as president than President Obama spent all eight years in office combined. The president’s trips to Florida every weekend have already cost more than $20 million of taxpayer money. See, this is the guy we need United to drag off the plane.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Chelsea Handler: Don’t Vote for My Dad
Chelsea Handler sat down with Conan O’Brien on Tuesday and aired her (negative) feelings about the Trump administration. She said she wished Ivanka Trump would distance herself from her father, then segued to her own father, a former used-car dealer who is a frequent target of her jokes.
CHELSEA HANDLER: As a woman, I would never let my father run for president, knowing what I know about my father.
CONAN O’BRIEN: Well O.K.! That brings up a whole other can of worms. Let’s talk about your father.
CHELSEA HANDLER: But my father’s not even half as bad as Donald Trump. Because he’s not as, like, powerful.
CONAN O’BRIEN: That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said about your dad.
The Punchiest Punchlines (Mr. T Edition)
“Because of the scandals, ‘The O’Reilly Factor’ has lost two-thirds of its advertisers in one week. On the bright side, United Airlines is still with him. They said, ‘You’ll have to drag us off that show.’” — CONAN O’BRIEN, referring to the recently revealed sexual harassment claims against Bill O’Reilly
“There was a major elimination on ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ Mr. T last night got the bedazzled boot. I know, I was sad about it, too. Mr. T said he wanted to honor God through his dance. And I have to say that came through: When I saw him dance, I was like, ‘Oh my God!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Sean Spicer might be the only press secretary who needs a press secretary.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, responding to the White House spokesman’s comment that Hitler had not used chemical weapons
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Kimmel met the couple who astounded “Wheel of Fortune” viewers by answering one puzzle “Popsicle bike.” He even gave them a consolation prize.
This might be a little more than you needed to know about Barbara Bush.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
The rapper and actor Ludacris appears on “Conan” on Wednesday. Mr. O’Brien will probably give him a hard time over a new music video, currently getting torn up on the internet, that makes obvious use of computer animation to beef up his body.
Also, Check This Out
The singer/songwriter and TV personality Sara Bareilles recently made the leap to Broadway, starring in “Waitress,” for which she also wrote the music and lyrics. She describes the experience: “The invitation to join the creative team came at a time when I was feeling stale and uninspired with my work as a pop music songwriter, and I welcomed the chance to be challenged.
“I had no idea just how challenging it would be.”
Continue reading the main story